Just Let Go of the Shore, Jump from the Life Raft, Leap into Me.

Walked Away from All That Had Become my Life
to Feel Something, Experience Something
that Did Not Exist....

Running, Driving, Walking Miles Upon Miles
looking for that in Me which I had lost...

a Year has Almost Come to Past..
and Conclusions Lay Boldly at me Feet..

I don't want to believe that what I Crave
Does Not exist....

so Certain in what is me, what I want, Who I am..
so Why the Launch, why the Search, why the Crave
to awaken a part of me that had been.. well
Surviving Slumber...

Why not Just stay quietly n y Bed,
in My Illusion.. in my Things, my Movies,
my Books, my House, My Cars and just Live
the Life So Gracefully Handed to me..

Why would I head out in Search of Me with a Carload,
then a Back Pack Load, then a Small Truck Load...
and Why One Foot in Front of the Other
Keep Walking to Feel, to Make Others Smile
to Tell them What I see even if they may not want to hear it...

I sit in Alone..
I am good alone.. I like alone..
however not always and not like this..

Craving So Much,
Much of What I Won't Let in..

Wanting to Feel Something..
I may Never Feel Again..

It is as if I am Lucid Dream,
walking around in a Life Not mine...
after Now almost a year has past and well ..
the Leap into Me.. Took me Downstream so far
I am cretainly unfamiliar with the Territory,
thing is Me.. well I am still here in me..

Loving the Same Things
Wanting the same Things..
Good at the same things..

and Funny..
Much of the Me I know is the Same Me
I was at 12 Years Old.

That in Which I Crave May Not Exist
and that Jagged Pill a bit hard to Swallow indeed,
however for me a longing for "Home" has always sat in me
and well I guess looking for that in Prayer, in Beauty and the
Arms of an Illusion is just .. well a Bit off Trail...

So Back to the Dream..
I am Still Dreaming Right?

Will You Foget Me when the Sun Comes Up over the Mountain?

the Truth We Seek, the Love we Quest - Must Remember is Also Seeking Us...

When I Find You Will I Let You Love Me?

What if I Really Am At Peace and Just Don't Know it..

What if I am so Addicted to Feeling Bad.. to being a Martyr .. to not being loved the way I want to be loved that now that I am with ME.. I simply mistake Lonely and Sad for what is Really Peace.. mmmm things to Ponder..

lots more on this Topic Coming Soon as the Out Lesbian Network is now about one Way out.. Crazy Lesbian.. Me..

I give up on tyring ot get writers.. and well Trying to .. well Ya know.. SO I am going to Simply Ramble and Report on the Out Lesbian Network and wait for the Great Spirit to Show Me a Sign....

the Crazy, Yet Titillating things Straight Women Say.. so We will Want Them..

then Of Course the Running.. they just want to be wanted.. they Tell us on the Phone.. well you got a Dildo Don't ya.. Bring it on Over.. they Say.. what Kinds of things "Do You Like" - then if your withing a hundred miles of them they.. batten down the hatches.. as Feeling Another Woman's Touch is Entirely to Taboo. .to Sinful.. to Damn Dirty.. Yet they are Fucking Some Asshole of a Man whom they don't even Like or Relate to at all. .

Not To Slam men. .not a Man Hater. it is just that I don't get these Lesbian Cock Tease Women who want you .. talk to you.. flirt with you. get mad if you don't want them. and yet have no way to "Let" themselves "Go There" in the Flesh..

Ok So you relate to Me On every Chapter of every Page. .and you Feel me Emotionally, Spiritually, and love talking to me intellectually.. and well . .hmmm you think "Me Kinda Cute" and well then you Hurry up and Call your Man to Come over and Fuck You to make sure your in your "Right Mind" - Pretty Disturbing.. the Lesbian Cock Tease Syndrome that many "Strait" woman seem to have.. Kind of an Epidemic I would Say..

Tee Hee.. Much More on this Epidemic Sweeping the Nation Coming Soon.. !!

Can we Be Our True Selves and Be Loved by another Woman in that FULL Reality of Truth?

or Do we always End up hiding a piece, a part of ourself and Leading a Secret Life in Love?

Can I be my Full on "Smart" - my Witty me and human at times Shitty me.. can I be intensley spiritual and totally get it and then some days forget I ever knew it.. Can I stand brilliantly in the light and she will love me there.. as I am . .yet when I go black and forget the Truth I knew . .those days will she love me just the same. .

Can I Be One Hundred Percent the Real Me and Be Loved by Another Woman one Hundred percent herself in her Own Truth, Independent -Knowing What she wants but still wanting me..

Can I be with YOU in that way and not give up my time with me, my Truth, my destiny.. my Life's work or Life's calling and still Laugh - Love - Light.. with you.. Hike.. with you .. have Breakfast with you. .Make Mad Passionate Love with You and NOT take anything from you.. not change you and not give a part of me to you that I truly can Not Thrive without..

If such a Relationship Exists.. can the Lust Stay with the Light. .can the Deep True Love.. stay within the Real Truth.. Or do we have to "Dumb Down" per say in one way or another .. whether it be physically, spiritually, intellectually.. giving up what we love to do. .how we really like to eat.. what we really like to drink.. Giving up our Truth to be touched.. to be loved..

Is there a World Out there Where a Woman Can be Healthily - Fully in Love, in Lust, in Loyal with another woman ... and yet be true to their own self and really be full on Happy.. with no secret Self... ???

Do I Have to Be an Altered Version of Me to Love You?

more about Me Crystal at OutLesbian.com - what is the Deal with Me and the Out Lesbian Network

Coming Soon..

Your Mind Creates Your Version of My Life, Why?

I am a Homosexual
You Slam Me, Put Me down.
You Hate Me.
You don’t know me.

I am your Daughter
I am your Friend
I am Your Sister
I am your neighbor
I am your Aunt
I am a Lesbian

You don’t know me
You don’t see who I am or what I
Have done for Whom.

You see that I am a Lesbian
And that Blinds you
From All that I Truly Am.

What you have in
Your Mind
That Lesbians Do
Is so far from my Reality,
I can only wonder
Where you get this perception
Of what me Being a Lesbian is.

What you have Me Doing
in my Home,
in Your Minds Eye
is NOT based in ANY
Reality I REALLY Live In.

I cannot understand
How you feel you have the Right
To Judge Me,
To put Me Down
To even think about my life…

Why do you think you get to
“wish better” for me
Or you get to say “what a waste”?

You even Have the
Audacity
to Feel Sorry for Me.
Look around Your Life..
and.. YOU Judge Me
for Who I Love..
based on their Gender Alone.

Where Do you get these Ideas
That you are ALLOWED
To even ponder such things
Little own say them outright to me,
or Say them to Others About Me,
Cowardly behind My Back.

You don’t like me,
You think I am a Sinner,
A Moron, a Loser..

And you stand in your addictions,
Your messed up life,
Your unhealthy, Bitter, Negative life
And you Stand in Judgment of Me.

Things I Simply
Do Not Understand
About the Human Race.

* Crystal Lesbian....