She Pleasures herself while her Lover is in the Shower. She has Wrote the Break up Letter over and Over. She Waits for the Perfect Moment to Allow Her Life.

See they moved to their New Home,
their town and state..
in Hopes to Get Away from Family, from Life
and begin anew, College, new friends
and well new beginnings for the old "US"
in them.  Or so they Thought..

Turns Out we are who we are
no matter where we move
our physical bodies to.

Thing is they are not compatible,
but the Shock is only one of them
seems to know this, to feel this
and she has delicately weaved a way
so that her Lover
feels so loved,
so wanted, so cared for ..
meanwhile She is miserable, sad.. so
Very Alone..

She pleasures herself while her lover
is in the shower, she texts me about it.

she is not into her lover "that way"
even though she is a beautiful woman,
and so damn fun and smart...
Thing is they dont' Click that way
yet year after year together they Stay.

She waits for the perfect moment to
Leave..

Yet in
her Guilt, her Heart, her wanting her Lover to
be "ok" keeps her in waiting,
her life is on hold, her heart growing old..
and yet her lust is so damn bold,
as she seeks lovers in a Rainbow's Array.

Still she stays, she tries to "fix her"
change her and make her Lover into the woman
she needs her to be.. She asks her Lover to
dress more tomboyish, to .. well be a different her
and in hopes this will somehow make them
have that wanting in her she craves,
and yet seeks in the Rainbow..

She finds moments of peace
and happiness in the glance, the mouth,
the crave of lover's she meets online..
for "Coffee" and all that this implies..

She teeters back and forth
between
a Gentle Goodbye and a ripped out thorny Version..
So once again she pauses...
more Years pile up..
Hearts that never had a
chance at Forever,
to this day linger in wait.. 

As I look in, i see my own past
i crave a different future for them both..

See I am now a forever color
 in the Rainbow of her Crave
and well i hurt at her decision to stay,
though an US i do not want and secret be
known kind of have a "thing" for her
Lover that she just can't see..
Kind of wish i was in the shower with her lover
while she lay in wait touching herself
waiting a life that never lays open
to her blank page...

I wish them peace
as I know laying in.. not happy wait
kills a part of us that is so very different
then once could ever know
if you have not laid a decade there
such as i have..

She gets Coffee 
in the Rainbow.. 
and each new Lover she secretly hopes
will break up her lesbian wedding vows,
for she does not have the courage to leave,
for in the eyes of her lover the pain, the guilt
she cannot bare.. yet she has no problem
with the constant breaking of hearts..
as her Lover does not know about
the Rainbow and Hence forth Wake..

When to Leave
How to Leave
one can Never Be sure ..

thing is, if you
Take a Leap of Faith
you will land softly eventually

and in your Retreat
you will have done
Two Hearts a divine Favor
.. well a true gift as, Secretly
she is not happy either..
you Just can't tell..

You think she is so in love
by her constant adoration..
Thing is she feels each color
of the Rainbow you dance in
and each time you think she don't know
She feels the thorns of lies on her heart
and she lay in wonder as you never
tell her and the words unspoken
fester in swelling hearts..

Time to Pull the Thorn out per say
and to quickly pull that band aid off woman..
'
leavings'
Long Past time to Go.. 

your Pleasing you in every way
anyway.. So go ahead its time
Let the Letter Lay Down
and Walk the heart to the gate,
looking back a nod of gratitude,
compassion as best you can..

there Is no True Graceful Exit 
in this Rainbows Web..
there is Only but to Go and Keep Walking
in Hopes
To save your Self, your Soul to Keep
and Trust that She will Be so much more then fine
as Woman.. she is Remarkable, intricately Divine..

Let Go
Let Goddess
Trust You Will Land Softly.. 

i write this now as your Sign
it is Time and though I know
we Will not dance in the Rainbow
ever Again, Truth be Known
we did not really "Click" that way Either..
however, in you I see a Source.. and
I honor a Journey Unfolding..

So "Coffee" Lover
time to Gracefully Reach for the Door
on to Hearts of Paths Forever More..

your Once 'Lover's Fix'
   to Heal the Wounds of your
Chosen Life you Cannot bare..

your soft landing
    to forget your pain
where in my arms, in my lust
   you were no longer stuck
in the guilty unHappy of her
forever arms..     ~ Crystal