Hearts in Lingering Wait. Decisions Not Mine. How Long Do I wait for You to Allow you to Want me in Real Life?

Waiting at the Garden Gate
as if my Heart, my Lust, my Life
is Not Of My Choice.

I Wait for you to Want Me
i pine away for you to approve
of some part of my Day..

I wait to be wanted by you,
and little attention from you
I Jump At.. Why do I Do This?

I crave you
you hold you back for fear
of being hurt.. thing is
life hurts, and sitting in a place
of not experience out of fear of hurt
well that hurts to, Right?

You hurt me, ignored me, blocked me
and i layed in wait for you to want me,
i did not "move on" my heart .. my lust
i Stayed, for some reason
wrapped up in someone who
makes herself resist me..

if I have a crush on another she pulls in
though she won't let herself "have me"
if she feels i should love another
she pulls in, yet i want her
and well it seems like a game of heart
i can play no more..

wreaking havoc on my self esteem,
the proverbial flower .. the i love you,
you love me, you love me not..
the Push and Pull of love and lust
is wearing out my wanting. .

So many times i tried to elegantly let go..
Yet ended up in the fetal position
bed or floor wailing because you
had rejected me, cut me off..
Such an amazing connection and
simply you cut me off..

I cried tears from places in me
that i did not know could hurt so much,
yet i still waited my heart, my lust for you..

I emailed you my story, I reached to you,
I begged you to hear me, and you rejected me
over and over..

I texted you i miss you
you said i am sorry
you held your love back month
after month.. and when i keep reaching
you allow the energy, then you shut down
my yo yo heart is reeling and
how much more can i take
and why do i still
the energy in you await...

Are we that Powerful,
why do i let myself be treated so.
It hurts me over and over to want
someone that seems to not want me,
then she does and wait ..
she won't let herself.. go there

Still after all that I open my heart, my lust
to you again and you decide that i need to love another,
or if there is an interest in another you cant go there,
thing is there will always be another..
and I open to dating because you don't want me
and then my heart is punished for that to..

if you want Forever, why do you not even
want to Date... makes no sense..
Talk about All of Nothing..

meanwhile, you just hit the Pause button
on my life, my love, my lust
and in those moments of vulnerable clarity
you seem to feel the same as I do yet
you control US, you control our touch,
our time, our love and i wait like a dog
at the garden gate for you to call me in...