I feel a Pawn Now as I did nothing to deserve how I was treated.. or did I ? or is Fate the Destined Illusion .. the Mirage of Love ..

Was it Her Choice?

Was it Divine Intervention?

How did She Come Running at me,

Burst down my Door, only to draw me

in and fatefully disappear from my heart?

a Higher Purpose Brought her to Me?

Why, only To Again Leave Me be..

She came to me.. in a Sudden Flash..

No Warning, no Reach, no Call out..

Simply, There She was..

I was So drawn into love,

to daily contact and friendship..

constant connection then

what felt like being

thrown over a cliff for no rational reason...

that made sense to me as Real..

Was it Spiritual, was it her friends,

was it her fear, why did she draw me there,

to push me away in quite that way..

and Again and Again draw me in and push me away..

and I come back, I stay.. i call i reach..

and Again she Pushes.. Then Me Again Away..

i am sure she has support for her reason..

thing is our TONS of hours of communication

had nothing to do with these people.. and She Came to Me..

Next Time I Will Be Aware.. if it Seems to Good to Be True.. IT IS..

I want to Believe.. as She so insisted that i did..

Yet Now looking back believing in the Love she

was shouting from the rooftops for months

Seems to me Now but and Illusion,

it does not seem now that she is ready

for real love, for a new friend, a new family member..

Though her love called my name,

it simply led to what felt like an odd heart game..

I want to Keep

My Heart Open but I fear a shut down..

as with Her i was so hoping for US...

she Said she so wanted US and that

i was the love of her life.. yet she don't

communicate with me.. she has pulled in

and not even left a trail of crumbs to her heart

like punishing me for something

that i never quite will fully understand..

Why can't i find love that

will just love me..

no guilt.. no eggshells..

a Passionate, Prayful, Loving,

Erotic, Playful Friend who simply

enjoys ME..

2-5-2011