I have watched a lot of videos and read a lot of blogs about this subject and I must say it is one touchy topic for all of us! But, there are two sides to every story right? And we must not be so quick to judge and criticize.
People seem to be frustrated and annoyed with the so called “Closet Dwellers” and I can understand the frustration but I can also understand the other side. Coming out was the biggest change, and the biggest decision on my life. PERIOD! It was not easy, and I know people know that. When I decided to walk out that closet door it was the scariest and most proud moment of my life. It is not an easy struggle and we must all remember that. We, OUT, people have to realize that some people are just not that strong to handle neither the pressure nor the fear. For some it is far easier said than done. I also realize that this excuse is ‘tired’ and said to be a cop out, but who are we to judge the struggles of another person? Are we so much greater because we are out? If we honestly think this, does that not make us just as bad as those people judging us because we ARE out?
These are people that fight a daily battle with themselves and most of the time they lose. These are people that have no one to relate to, no one to talk to, about these emotions and attractions that they have. They fight everyday with who they are, trying their damnedest to be something…anyone else, but GAY! These are people that do not have enough strength to be rejected and hated because of their sexuality; these are people that are just not that damn sure. How can you rush someone to stop a fear, to be utterly and completely alone? Because rejection is the first thing you fear; well it was the first thing I was afraid of.
So, before us, OUT LESBIANS, become so self righteous lets take a step back and remember how our minds raced a million miles a minute with thoughts and how scared we were that our loved ones would no longer love us for everything else that we were and instead just know us as our sexuality. Remember how we fought those same battles with ourselves everyday and how hard we hurt because we had to hide who we really were. Let’s not forget that once upon a time we were one of those ‘closet dwellers’ that were unsure of what we were, afraid of what we were! Remember that hate is such a strong emotion and don’t forget how afraid you were of that emotion.
Yes, you are out! So you risked it all, you stood up and faced those fears but I know the those fears, those feelings before you came out still dwell inside your mind and you can recall how terrifying it all was. Don’t judge because some people just can’t do it like you did it, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to do it; they just aren’t strong enough yet! It is frustrating to think that there are people that wait an entire lifetime before they admit that they are gay, and when they finally do, it’s just too late to matter. But that is their decision; we are not so much greater to judge! We are supposed to give them courage, supposed to be there for them emotionally and let them know that they are not a lone. We can’t hate…if hate is what we fight against!
There is only one thing left that I want to say; to be a coward you have to run and hide. Right now, I don’t think ‘closet dwellers’ are running, I believe that they are just standing still, afraid one movement could bring their entire world down, and they fear that they can’t fix it by themselves, so they stand perfectly still. Disrupting nothing, and yet accomplishing nothing. It is up to us to give them the courage and knowledge that all things are possible, that they are not alone, that we support them, that we can help them move forward because WE have been through it too. No judgment!
Plus, it is always good to know that the door can always be opened with a little help from the other side!
Janice Ann
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