Roses and Thorns...

Pessimist: “Damn it! These roses have thorns.” Optimist: “Wow, these thorns have ROSES!”

The way we think about things shapes how we experience them. People who live fearfully are convinced that the world is a dangerous and lonely place. This belief results in social awkwardness, withdrawal and isolation. Worse, these individuals don’t recognize the tragic irony of their own self-fulfilling prophecy.

Each of us shapes our own reality by acting on our perceptions. Those who believe that life is a voyage of discovery, and that people have a common desire for peace, love and laughter, find themselves experiencing much more of these treasured commodities than people who live fearfully. What we believe – about ourselves and humanity as a whole – affects how we behave. This in turn shapes others’ perception of us, as well as their behavior toward us.

When my children were growing up, I offered comfort and support when they faced adversity. I also had a question when they were facing challenges: “And what’s the gift in this situation?” A deceptively simple question, but not always easy to answer. Inevitably, there was a way of looking at things that also recognized the positive, not just the negative.

The universe craves balance, and thus within each painful scenario is also something for which to be grateful – a hidden blessing. Sometimes, it’s as simple as gratitude for the situation ending, or perhaps that the damage or grief isn’t even more pronounced.

I certainly don’t mean to imply that pain isn’t real and quite compelling. On the contrary – I believe that we are steel, and pain and grief are a hot furnace capable of changing our shape and form. While we cannot control the heat of this furnace, especially when it’s fueled by the behavior and choices of other people, we CAN control how we think about and respond to the challenges themselves.

In so doing, we shape the very substance of our lives - whom we not only ARE, but whom we become. By recognizing what and where our limits are, and taking action on those things about which we can effect change, we reclaim our sacred Center.