Degree of "Outness" is a concept that has crossed my mind often during the last few years. Of course, when I was in the military, I understood that no degree of "outness" was acceptable.
This, even though I suspect most folks in the military have an understanding of which of their co-workers, bosses and subordinates are gay and lesbian.
As someone once said, it's the great pretension, "the military pretends there are no gays and lesbians in it's ranks, and the homosexuals pretend they aren't who they are."
Although I fully support each person's right to "come out" in their own place and time, I also understand the value in each of us being who we really are...fully, openly and proudly.
My first and best example of this was when I attended a networking event in the DC area earlier this year. It was only the second time I'd gone to a formal event to market my business, Les Connections, LLC www.LesConnections.com and I wasn't sure what to expect.
I suspected the moderator would go around the room and ask us to talk about our business, and as I suspected most of the other business people were hetrosexuals, what would I say?When I walked into the room, I started talking to people right away, but kept the conversation very generic. Then, the third person I met, asked what kind of company I had. I said I had a niche professional and social networking company.
Cynthia asked me what my niche was. I hesitated and then told her I cater to "special" women. That's when she told me her daughter was "special". Then another woman came up to talk to Cynthia and me and as it turned out, she was a lesbian. Barbara (that was her name), then took me to her table and introduced me to Beverly who told me her daughter was gay. When I finally made it back to my table, I learned that the husband of the couple sitting across the table had a lesbian sister. Wow! What an epiphany.
We Really are Everywhere.
My first and best example of this was when I attended a networking event in the DC area earlier this year. It was only the second time I'd gone to a formal event to market my business, Les Connections, LLC www.LesConnections.com and I wasn't sure what to expect.
I suspected the moderator would go around the room and ask us to talk about our business, and as I suspected most of the other business people were hetrosexuals, what would I say?When I walked into the room, I started talking to people right away, but kept the conversation very generic. Then, the third person I met, asked what kind of company I had. I said I had a niche professional and social networking company.
Cynthia asked me what my niche was. I hesitated and then told her I cater to "special" women. That's when she told me her daughter was "special". Then another woman came up to talk to Cynthia and me and as it turned out, she was a lesbian. Barbara (that was her name), then took me to her table and introduced me to Beverly who told me her daughter was gay. When I finally made it back to my table, I learned that the husband of the couple sitting across the table had a lesbian sister. Wow! What an epiphany.
We Really are Everywhere.
Shortly thereafter, the seminar leader went around the room to have everyone introduce themselves and describe their company.
I turned to Cynthia and asked her: "what do you think, should I go for it"? She said: "sure, I've got your back". Well, when my turn came, I didn't use the word niche, or special, I just told the crowd that I had a professional and social networking site for lesbians.
Know what" No one fainted, the air didn't get sucked out of the room, and in fact, several people approached me afterward to do additional networking.
Then I was recently at a party full of lesbians and we were having a discussion about how "out" we should all be here in our active adult community. One woman felt that we should have a rainbow club to join the 200 or so other clubs here in our community. Another woman felt that although we should be ourselves, we don't need to rub people's faces in it.
After all she said, the other clubs (golf, dog park, canasta, democratic, cycling, etc.) weren't formed around who the members slept with. So, here's my bottom line about the best degree of "outness"...totally out is really the only answer.
Now, I understand there are many reasons why folks choose not to live "out and proud" (serving in the military is just one example). But, we really can't convince others we are okay if we aren't okay with ourselves. It was hard for me to stick my neck out and announce in a room full of strangers that I am a lesbian. In the end though, it felt great!
Now that doesn't mean that I have to paint my house in rainbow colors, but it does mean that I'm not going to be evasive about having a "partner" versus a husband, and I'm not going take a back seat to more "traditional" couples. I'm finally totally comfortable in my own skin, I'm proud of who I am, and I don't ever intend to apologize for it again.
written by Linda At LesConnection.com
Now, I understand there are many reasons why folks choose not to live "out and proud" (serving in the military is just one example). But, we really can't convince others we are okay if we aren't okay with ourselves. It was hard for me to stick my neck out and announce in a room full of strangers that I am a lesbian. In the end though, it felt great!
Now that doesn't mean that I have to paint my house in rainbow colors, but it does mean that I'm not going to be evasive about having a "partner" versus a husband, and I'm not going take a back seat to more "traditional" couples. I'm finally totally comfortable in my own skin, I'm proud of who I am, and I don't ever intend to apologize for it again.
written by Linda At LesConnection.com
Out Lesbian
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